Social Greetings — The Essential Rules
La Bise
Cheek-kiss greetings between friends and acquaintances. Typically 2 kisses in Paris (right cheek first), varying by region (up to 4 in some areas). Among men, a handshake is standard. Don't skip greetings — it's rude in France to enter a room without acknowledging everyone.
Professional Greetings
A firm (but not crushing) handshake is standard in professional settings. Say "Bonjour Madame/Monsieur" when entering shops, offices, and elevators. Not saying bonjour is genuinely offensive in France.
Tu vs. Vous
"Vous" is formal/plural, "tu" is informal/singular. Use "vous" with anyone you don't know, older people, and in professional settings until invited to use "tu." Switching to "tu" uninvited can offend. Wait for the French person to initiate the switch.
Smiling at Strangers
Americans smile at strangers as a social default. In France, this signals either romantic interest or simple-mindedness. Don't be offended when French people don't return your smile — they're not being rude.
Food & Dining Culture
- Meal times are sacred: Lunch is typically 12h-14h, dinner 19h30-21h. Eating outside these windows (especially at your desk) is unusual and sometimes frowned upon
- Never eat while walking: Consuming food while walking in the street marks you as a tourist. Street food exists but is eaten standing still
- Bread etiquette: Bread goes on the table (not a plate), is torn (not cut), and is used to push food. Don't butter bread before the meal unless it's specific bread service
- Cheese course: Comes after the main and before (or instead of) dessert. Don't skip it — it's a cultural institution
- Wine: Refusing wine at a French dinner table is socially awkward. "Just a little" works; "I don't drink" requires a medical explanation to avoid offense
- Tipping: Service is included (15-20% service compris). Additional tips (1-2€) are appreciated but not expected. Leaving large American-style tips is not the norm
- Asking for modifications: "Can I have that without the sauce, gluten-free, with oat milk?" is significantly less accepted in France than in the US. Embrace the menu as designed
Workplace Culture — What Surprises Americans
August Effectively Doesn't Exist
France essentially shuts down in August. Colleagues, clients, and suppliers all disappear. Don't plan major launches or expect responsiveness in August.
Email Response Time
French professionals respond to emails in days, not hours. Sending a follow-up email after 24 hours is considered aggressive. Expect slower communication rhythms.
Business Lunches Are Real
The French business lunch (2 hours, several courses) is a genuine relationship-building tool. Don't rush it. Your French colleague isn't wasting time — they're building trust.
Meetings Are Discussions, Not Decisions
French meetings often aim to discuss, debate, and explore — not to make binding decisions. Decisions happen in smaller conversations afterwards. Americans find this inefficient; French find rushing decisions disrespectful.
Grandes Écoles Hierarchy
Where someone went to school (Polytechnique, HEC, ENA/INSP) is a dominant social signal. This hierarchy is real, visible, and affects career trajectories in ways Americans find shocking.
Intellectual Debate Is Normal
French colleagues will argue with your ideas enthusiastically. This is not personal — it's how they engage with interesting problems. Don't take disagreement as hostility.
Topics to Handle Carefully in France
Money & Salaries
Discussing personal income is deeply taboo in France — far more so than in the US. Never ask what someone earns. Discussing wealth openly is considered vulgar.
Religion
Laïcité (secularism) is a founding principle of the French Republic. Religion is private. Displaying or discussing religious identity in public or professional settings can make people uncomfortable.
French Politics
The French political landscape (gauche, droite, Centre, Le Pen, Macron) is complex and passionately held. As an American, listen more than you opine.
American Exceptionalism
Comparisons that imply America is superior — in food, medicine, efficiency, or culture — will not land well. France has its own deeply held national pride.
Cultural Adaptation Tips That Work
- Learn even basic French — "Bonjour, je ne parle pas très bien français, mais j'essaie" opens more doors than you'd imagine
- Slow down. French culture rewards thoughtfulness and patience over speed and hustle
- Dress more formally than you would in the US — particularly in Paris, appearance matters significantly more
- Embrace the administrative complexity as a cultural feature, not a bug — paperwork is how France maintains its systems
- Invest in relationships before asking for favors — French professional networks are deep but slow to build
- Say goodbye individually — leaving a gathering without personally saying goodbye to each person is considered rude (the "French goodbye" is not a thing)
- Stop apologizing reflexively — "I'm so sorry!" for minor inconveniences reads as insincere in France. Save it for when you mean it
Books to Read Before (and After) Moving
Almost French — Sarah Turnbull
The classic memoir of an Australian woman navigating French culture — the cultural observations apply to Americans just as much.
The Culture Map — Erin Meyer
Business-focused cross-cultural framework that places France on every key dimension vs. the US. Essential for professional expats.
A Year in Provence — Peter Mayle
Charming, funny memoir of British expat life in rural France. Sets expectations for bureaucracy, neighbors, and the joy of slowing down.
French or Foe? — Polly Platt
Written specifically for Americans in France. Practical guide to understanding why French people do what they do — still highly relevant decades on.